Giving Thanks

Thanksgiving is a time for loved ones to come together and give thanks for their many blessings.

This year for me it means so much more. As I look back, I see the many blessings God has provided for me and my family. We may not have a perfect life but we do have each other. That means more to me than anything else.

My husband and I have been through so much and yet we still try and remain strong. Of course at times we have our moments of fear, doubt and uncertainty that our marriage will survive. However, we take each day one at a time. We remind ourselves and each other why we are together. The love that bonds us is what helps us remain solid. Giving in for me was never an option, I tried and failed miserably. I can honestly say that today I am stronger than I was then. I know I can and will survive anything that comes my way.

I don't know what the future holds for us, but I do know that I will continue to be a stronger person. Not just for myself, but for my children and my husband.

I quite often question whether or not this is what God has planned for me. I take comfort in knowing that He will be holding my hand should things not turn out the way I want them to. That is very tough to swallow, what I want may not be what HE wants. I'm putting my trust in Him and will continue to do so through this entire process.

I know that many may not agree, condone, support or understand why I choose to live this life and I am OK with that. I am not looking for acceptance, approval or sympathy from anyone.   

I chose to start this blog for me! A way for me to share my story, no matter how dark it may get. We all have our stories, and I feel in my heart that God put me through this so that I may be able help others that are going through something similar. I did not choose to share my story to be critized or judged. I've had enough of that from some already. Until you have walked a day in my shoes you can not begin to understand what I have been through.

The pain I have felt is real and opening that door for others to see is scary. I knew from the beginning that I was going to open many doors I have tried to nail shut and it wasn't going to be easy to relive. I also knew that by doing so I was exposing not just my story, but my husbands also. I have been fighting the decision to share this publicly but have decided to follow my heart and take a risk.

Some days are harder than others but I look back and see how far I have come. Healing from such pain isn't an overnight process, it takes time and lots of hard work. Above all, it takes faith!