Friday, December 2, 2016

I AM DONE!!

There comes a time in our lives that we must step back, let go and take a different path than that we are on. There are no promises that we will find happiness instantly, but in time we will see that we are one step farther than before.

If we choose to remain where we are then we must learn to let go of past animosity, fear, doubt and insecurities. When we allow someone to control our every move, thought or feeling we are no longer doing for ourselves. We allow them to win, to keep control over us. Without realizing it we're closing the door to our own happiness. I've been silent for a while because I have focused all of my attention on myself, my husband and our children. We're all in a great place. In the past Thanksgiving has sometimes been a struggle for me and unfortunately my children. Several years ago we spent our first Thanksgiving without our protector, without our comforter. This year we celebrated all that we are thankful for and new beginnings was at the top of my list. 

I'll admit that in the middle of my day, as my husband wrapped his arms around me I had a bit of a "relapse". For an instant I let our past get in my brain. I hugged him tighter and forced it out of my head. I wasn't going to allow anyone or anything to ruin our moment. I hadn't had those thoughts in quite a while, I've had to remind myself that I am in control of me. I control how I feel, I will not be my own worst enemy by rekindling that hurt that I have healed inside of me. I will not allow the past, insecurities, individuals, and certainly not allow doubt to find a place to linger inside of me. I am done!! I'm determined to live in the moment, to embrace my happiness. 

I have been so blessed over this past year that I can't help but sometimes think that the man upstairs has me mixed up with someone more deserving. I'm still working on accepting that He really is mending my broken heart. That HE isn't finished with me yet! 

I'll leave you with this one last thought....When you feel as though what hurt you takes you to that deep dark place remind yourself that YOU are in control. Only you can come out of it and only you can veer onto another path, the one you choose to design for yourself. For your own happiness. 

Thursday, July 21, 2016

5 Steps to a Perfect Marriage

Step #1....Ignore the title because there are no steps! 

There is nothing you can do to make your marriage perfect. You can make it bearable, but not perfect. You may even find happiness the majority of the time if you're lucky.

The truth is...your spouse is going to make you mad. They're going to make you yell, cry, and question why the heck you even married them in the first place. There will be occasions you will talk until you're blue in the face and it will do absolutely no good!! They call that "nagging". You'll learn to compromise on certain things and you'll also find that there are times you won't see eye to eye. And oh my gosh will they annoy you! Guess what.....THAT'S OK!!

Those "ugly" moments in your marriage are what give it life. Sure, it would be nice if everything we said and suggested was agreed upon. I personally would love if my husband never raised his voice at me or didn't come back at me with the same harsh tone I used on him. It would be great if every time I asked him for something he responded by jumping up immediately and did what I wanted. Unfortunately, it takes several requests and a few of my wifely death stares as I walk away mumbling to myself to get him to even notice I'm not happy. He then huffs and puffs and says something I can never quite make out, but I'm sure it's not "yes, Dear...anything you say, Dear." There are times I want to smack him and say "listen buddy...I'm right, you're wrong." When I do muster up the guts to let him have it I find myself in a lose, lose situation. He gets mad, I get mad and we end up wasting time. The really sad part is that I usually forget why I was even mad in the first place. 

That's what a marriage is...it's give and take. It isn't meant to be easy and it sure as hell isn't for the timid. You learn that there are times you must pick your battles, because if you don't you will always end up as the unhappy one. While you're sitting there fuming on the inside your spouse probably has no clue what they did or why you're even mad.They're only thinking "great, what's wrong now? Hopefully it doesn't last long!" If they're like my husband, they'll refrain from asking, because let's be honest...who WANTS to open up a can of worms?!? ME!!! That's who. I ask. I would rather deal with the havoc from figuring out what's wrong as opposed to ignoring the issue at hand. Sure, it may lead to something ugly but I figure I either go big or go home. It's called communication. And I'm learning that it's a necessary survival skill in my marriage. 

Maybe there is such a thing as a perfect marriage...I've yet to discover it. It's probably my husband's fault. ;) We choose to live a life of loud words, deep stares (and not the ones that melt your heart...I mean the ones that can melt your soul), and it works for us. Honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way. We balance each other out and while there are times I wish he and I could be like those celebrity couples that live the perfect life I am grateful that we aren't. Our relationship is real, we laugh, yell, ignore, and love with every ounce within our heart. Through our madness we have learned to communicate in a healthy way and it's made us focus more on how we should come together to fix an issue instead of brushing it under the rug so we don't upset each one another. 

It's a learning process, for us it's been a 15 year lesson....some would say that we are slow learners, but I choose to believe that we are perfecting our skills. I try to remember 3 simple words when I'm at my wits end with my darling husband...STOP, LISTEN, RESPOND. I had those reversed for a loooong time and the aftermath was never what I expected or wanted. I'm still learning to catch myself when I get the order wrong, but it isn't as often anymore. I'm glad I still mess up every now and then, it keeps the marriage alive and less storybook. 
If I leave you with anything today, let it be this....you're going to raise your voice, get unhappy with each other and you may even have nasty thoughts about your spouse. Don't let those ugly moments keep you from enjoying time with your spouse. Choose to stop, listen and respond. Before you know it the storm will have passed and no time wasted. 

Tuesday, December 15, 2015

When Fear Turns Into Obsession

If you regularly follow my blog you've probably noticed that lately I haven't been doing much writing. It isn't by choice...I've been dealing with some personal health issues and one of the downfalls is the sudden loss of my train of thought. I'm doing well and while I have been trying to complete posts I've started, it is difficult to remain focused and actually finish what I am working on at the time. However, I was able to complete a post for today...I hope it helps anyone in need at the moment. =)

There are certain things that happen to us that cause us fear. It's natural to be afraid of something or to be afraid that something is going to happen. If we are so afraid of something we can sometimes become obsessed with the thought that it's really going to happen. 

For instance...if a person has been cheated on they fear their partner will do it again. That fear then turns into an obsession of trying to keep an eye on them, having to know where they are at all times, who they are spending their lunch break with or shoot...even wondering why they are spending so much time in the bathroom. It's an unhealthy obsession and one that consumes you more often than not. 

How do you stop?


I found that for me personally I had to hear my husband say "if you keep digging you're going to find something you won't like." My first thought was "you son of a goat, you're cheating again", but I quickly realized he meant I would continue to pour salt on old wounds. And I did. I became obsessed with "stalking" him that I started going back and I found places he had visited, old pictures and ugly details from the past. He was right, I had so many feelings resurface and he wasn't even doing anything wrong. I made myself miserable, which in turn made him miserable, and ultimately we were both back to where we had begun. I tried to keep quiet and not rehash old wounds, but my mouth would take over and I'd bring up his past all over again. I wasted so much of the present because I resurfaced the past. 

In order to let go of pain, heartache and the past, we must learn to end our obsession of trying to "catch" them doing something wrong. When fear takes over, and it will, it's always best to remember that we can't be afraid of what has already happened. Fear isn't going to change what choices they make, but it will get in the way of your healing process and in the recovery of rebuilding your marriage.