I'm Not the Same Person

During our lives we experience different events that change us, some good and some bad. I've come to terms with the fact that I am no longer the same person I once was. I have lost so much of what made me, ME. While I have learned a lot about myself and gained some qualities that have made me a better person it's the ones that I've lost that make my everyday life a struggle at times. 

I will never be the same mother, wife or friend I was before I experienced "life", and while it makes me sad it also gives me a feeling of comfort I've never felt before. 

My children have always been my top priority but I now find myself protecting them from myself and my husband. I keep my worries, fears and tears from being seen by them. They have seen the both of us become people they didn't recognize and in this world we live in they already see so much pain and destruction. If I can keep it from happening in their home I will do my best to do just that. My mommy protection mode is in full force, more so than before! 

I'll never be the same wife I was the day we were married. I was young, naive and head over heels in love with my husband. I experienced pain from him stepping out of our marriage and it made me become this obsessed, broken and sad woman. I find myself spending too much time worrying about what the future holds for us all instead of living in the moment. Before I never use to question his motives, whereabouts or love and I now do. The plus side of all this...I lost sight through all the pain of who my husband really is and I am now seeing once again how wonderful he is as a person.

As far as my friendships go...this is the probably the hardest to swallow. I find myself being very guarded and not wanting to get close to anyone. I keep a very high wall up and there are only a select few I allow to enter. When I meet someone you better believe that I'm searching their eyes, words and actions for anything that doesn't feel right. I know not everyone is a threat to me or my marriage but I've learned that anyone you meet has the potential to strike if given the chance. 

While I'm not the same person I once was I have learned just how fragile life is. I've overcome some major obstacles and although some changes are not so great others have made me a better person. The person I am today.