Facing the truth

How could you be so stupid!!

That is a question I have asked myself over and over. I would go through all of the things my husband put me through and how I wasn't paying enough attention to what was happening in my marriage. I knew were becoming distant but I just pushed it aside waiting for the problems we were dealing with to go away on their own.

Life isn't that easy. Some things do work out by themselves but the harder situations require a lot more attention.

Being in denial was the first thing I had to work on. I didn't want to see the facts that were right in front of my face. My husband was becoming distant, wanting time alone, spending too much time on his phone, angry all the time and pushing me away.  I blamed his job; working nights was taking its toll on him but I was using that as an excuse for his mood changes. When he was putting in lots of extra hours I didn't question whether or not he was actually at work, nor did I verify it by looking at his pay-stubs.When he would receive a phone call I didn't ask who was on the other end. I just let him have his privacy, even though I knew he wasn't one to be on the phone all the time. How could I be so stupid?

The second thing I had to work on was to stop being afraid to ask questions and settling for silence in return. When he would answer me he would give me short answers or get mad at me for accusing him of doing something wrong. I've never had a problem sharing what I was thinking or asking tough questions. However, when it came to the faithfulness of my husband I beat around the bush. I knew in my heart what the answers were but I didn't want to hear the truth. So I settled for lies and half-truths. How could I be so stupid?

Listening to my gut instincts was the hardest to work on over anything else. I have heard people say that their gut is never wrong, I would think “yeah right, you’re crazy!” I was clearly ignoring mine, and it was telling me everything I already knew. I wanted to believe that the feelings I was having were just in my head. When I would ask my husband about his whereabouts, his faithfulness or his actions my mind was saying “believe him” but my gut was saying “something doesn't seem right.” Instead of demanding the truth I let my heart take over and believe what he was saying, even though I knew it was wrong. How could I be so stupid?

It took courage and strength to stop being so stupid and demand answers. Honest answers!! I didn't want to face the truth, because if I did that would mean I would have to make some tough choices. It took me some time to convince myself that although I loved him I deserved enough respect to be told the truth. I deserved to know where he was spending his time, who was spending it with and why he was being unfaithful. I am no longer stupid! 

Honest Answers from Real Men

With the help of some pretty awesome men I was able to compile a list of the views men have when it comes to women. Some answers were pretty surprising to me, and it was nice to hear honest answers from real men.

     1. Do you want a woman to be         completely dependent?

 
No. If she is financially dependent that is great, especially if she always wants to shop and get her hair and nails done. In my opinion, men want a woman to depend on them for certain things, but not everything.

2. Does a woman's physical appearance turn you on or off? Examples: Clothing, makeup, hair, and weight.
 
Yes, they want her to look good for them but they do understand when she doesn't on those days that she is busy working around the house or taking care of the children.

3. Would you be ok with your wife being more successful than you or make more money?
 
Yes. That one surprised me; I have always heard that men wanted to be the bread winners in the relationship.

4. Is communication really THAT important to you?
 
Yes. Another shocker! I just assumed my husband would rather me hush than actually have a conversation. I'm sure there is a difference in communicating and nagging...must remember that!!

5. How often do you want intimacy?
 
Drum rolls please.....Any chance they can, unless they are tired from work. Let’s be honest, no surprise there.

6. Do you NEED affection the same way women do?
 
Yes. They enjoy cuddling and need physical touch. They may not need as much as women do but they do need it more than we may think.

7. If your wife ever cheated on you would you stay with her? 

 
No. They each said that is something they could not and would not tolerate.

8. How do you feel about men and women being friends? 

 
The consensus was that it was fine as long as they were friends with their spouse too. They however said they would not be ok with their wives meeting alone with another man, friend or not.

9. How often do you want to hear your wife tell you how proud she is of you?
 
Every single day!

10. What is the first thing that attracts you to a woman?

Her appearance, meaning how she is put together and the confidence she carries. 

It was nice to hear the difference in what my answers would have been had I been asked referring to men. I was also pleased to find out that when it comes to communication and affection men and woman are similar. It goes to show that we all want to feel loved and wanted. 

Strength vs Courage

I recently had a very dear friend tell me that she could learn something from me when it comes to courage. I sat and thought about her words, and whether or not I believe that I have courage. I know I am strong but I don't see myself as courageous. When I think of the word, I see it as being brave, facing your fear and not being afraid to fight against all odds.

I came across this poem and wanted to share it with you. I read it and let the words sink in and you know what I discovered? Maybe I am strong AND courageous. I just need to believe in myself as my friend believes in me.


Strength Vs Courage 

1. It takes strength to be firm. 
It takes courage to be gentle. 

2. It takes strength to stand guard. 
It takes courage to let down your guard. 

3. It takes strength to conquer. 
It takes courage to surrender. 

4. It takes strength to be certain. 
It takes courage to have doubt. 

5. It takes strength to fit in. 
It takes courage to stand out. 

6. It takes strength to feel a friend's pain. 
It takes courage to feel your own pain. 

7. It takes strength to hide your own pains. 
It takes courage to show them. 

8. It takes strength to endure abuse. 
It takes courage to stop it. 

9. It takes strength to stand alone. 
It takes courage to lean on another. 

10. It takes strength to love. 
It takes courage to be loved. 

11. It takes strength to survive. 
It takes courage to live. 


[ Author Unknown --