I am scared out of my mind. I'm terrified actually, and I've been hiding this fear from my husband for too long.
What am I so terrified of? Finally being at peace in my marriage!
Things are going so well and it scares me!! This is new territory for me and I'm not quite sure how to deal with it. I keep waiting for the ball to drop and crush me. Why would it not? After all the pain that I have had to endure, it becomes difficult to believe that anything good could be handed to me. Don't get me wrong, I love being happy and I am really loving this new "peace in my heart" thing. I just can't stop thinking about when it's going to be ripped away from me. Isn't that heartbreaking?!?
Things are going so well and it scares me!! This is new territory for me and I'm not quite sure how to deal with it. I keep waiting for the ball to drop and crush me. Why would it not? After all the pain that I have had to endure, it becomes difficult to believe that anything good could be handed to me. Don't get me wrong, I love being happy and I am really loving this new "peace in my heart" thing. I just can't stop thinking about when it's going to be ripped away from me. Isn't that heartbreaking?!?
My husband has been wonderful. I see more and more of the man I fell in love with so long ago and he's doing great at making me feel loved, appreciated and wanted. I couldn't ask for more from him and I'm so thankful for the place we are at this very moment in our lives. We worked way too hard to get here and I fear that my happiness will be yanked away. I'm mentally and emotionally at peace and it feels great!! It's just scary. *sigh*
I'm naturally an optimistic person and while I'm not complaining about how things are, I'm just weary. I've built this wall, a really tall wall and as I peek over it I notice that everything on the other side of that wall looks peaceful, comforting and safe. I'm afraid to go on that side because if I do I will enjoy it too much and before a matter of time I fear I will have to go back to the other side. The side that is dark, cold and lonely. The side that is filled with pain and sorrow lurking in the shadows as it whispers my name, calling me closer and closer to it.
It's time I take a leap of faith and trust that I deserve all the good that life is offering me. It may be scary at first but I know I won't be there alone. I will hold my husband's hand and stop being afraid.
Wish me luck...
I'm naturally an optimistic person and while I'm not complaining about how things are, I'm just weary. I've built this wall, a really tall wall and as I peek over it I notice that everything on the other side of that wall looks peaceful, comforting and safe. I'm afraid to go on that side because if I do I will enjoy it too much and before a matter of time I fear I will have to go back to the other side. The side that is dark, cold and lonely. The side that is filled with pain and sorrow lurking in the shadows as it whispers my name, calling me closer and closer to it.
It's time I take a leap of faith and trust that I deserve all the good that life is offering me. It may be scary at first but I know I won't be there alone. I will hold my husband's hand and stop being afraid. Wish me luck...
