It's an exclusive club, not one everyone can be a part of. The only great thing about this club is the amazing support system you gain. I will not hand out invites to the "Betrayed Wives Club". I don't even want to be in this stupid club!! I wanted to turn in my resignation form on day one, unfortunately it comes with a lifetime membership.
If you can't tell by now, I am having a rough day! Nothing in particular happened, just one of the perks of being in the club. You sit up on your repaired happy throne held up by Elmer's glue, praying it doesn't collapse. When a butterfly lands on it, you admire the beauty in that butterfly and embrace the moment of peace. Ahh...such a sweet moment that is!
Suddenly, a rock falls from the sky, breaks your throne, kills your butterfly and smacks you right on the face. The note on the rock says "no, no, NO...you are NOT supposed to be smiling!"
I have two choices at this point; sit and sulk, reliving painful memories and throwing that same rock that smacked me in the face at my husband. OR I can choose to push the good memories of my marriage to the front and allow my heart to smile again.
Today, I am choosing to toss that rock aside and remembering a special day. I'm replaying our wedding day. All of the planning, excitement and anticipation of becoming husband and wife. Making a promise in front of our family, friends and God to become one. We vowed to stand by each other through our happiest moments AND our darkest times. I see two young people, although scared out of their minds lighting a unity candle.
It's more symbolic to me almost 15 years later than it was at that very moment. We each held a candle and together we lit one flame. Today that flame is still lit inside of us. There are times it is almost so dim we can't see it, but there are also times it shines so bright that we can see beyond what is just right in front of us. I love those moments!
If I'm being completely honest, there are times I want to just blow that candle out and smash it to the ground. Not because I no longer want to be one with my husband, but because I would like to light a new candle. A fresh start, a chance for this new flame to never go dim again.
A girl can dream...if I do ever get a new candle I would use it to burn my membership card for that horrible club I'm now a member of. I've now learned how to protect it, how to keep others from going near it. And if all else fails, I feel confident in using it to burn those that try and blow it out!! ;)
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