Man, have you been through a lot these past few years. Your life was close to perfect and then something happened that changed it all. The hard work you have had to put in to just keep from drowning is proof that you don't let anything keep you down. You've fought, sometimes alone, to keep your family together and all the while you weren't sure if you were helping them or hurting them. Only time will tell...
Certain circumstances have literally sucked the life out of you, but yet you try to stay positive and poised. On the outside you smile for the world to see but in private there are times you are dying. It's getting better but there are those times you just can't help it. Since you were little your life hasn't always been the easiest. You have seen, heard and felt a lot of pain but you keep going. You always have.
I often wonder where all the strength you have found over the years came from, then I remember the saying "what doesn't break you, only makes you stronger." As much as you don't want to be strong you have to be. There is so much pressure on you to be strong for your children, yourself and your marriage. Think back at all the times you have had to be but just couldn't, you gave up a few times and where did that leave you? In case you forgot...it left you in a very dark place. It wasn't what you wanted but you chose to give up so you could make someone else happy.
When you felt unwanted, unloved and broken you wanted so desperately to find someone that gave you all that you were missing. All that Aaron use to give you. You wanted someone to look deep into your heart and protect you. The thought of being with someone else felt comforting, even if you knew they wouldn't have your whole heart. I know that you would have eventually found someone that would respect you, cherish you and deserve you.
Your marriage was over, divorce in hand, your children were heartbroken and confused. You tried your best to comfort them and show them that if you were ok they would be also. When you thought "what else could go wrong?" life threw yet another curve ball at you. Aaron begged to come back home once again. Your heart was whispering "yes" but your head was screaming "NO." It left you scared, confused and unsure as to what you were supposed to do. You knew you would be taking a huge risk by letting the man that hurt you so badly back into your life. There was one thing you were sure about, if you left him back you would not stop the divorce from happening until he showed you that he was coming back for all the RIGHT reasons. That was in a way your insurance.
Years have passed and there have been some rough moments, but nothing you couldn't handle. You are learning how to trust again and that isn't an easy task. There are times you are afraid to let go of what has happened and believe that Aaron really does love you. It isn't easy trying to put all the pieces back together, especially when there are others out there that are just waiting for your hard work to crumble. Those people are cruel and although you want to seek revenge on them you know that isn't your job. They will pay for what they have done to you and your kids, just let God handle it. HE has been by your side all this time, even when you thought He abandoned you. It's ok to trust Him again, it will be ok!! And don't worry...Aaron will find his way back to Him also; I know that's something you worry about almost daily.
I want you to be proud of yourself, you're always telling others how they should be proud of themselves but yet you can't see why you deserve that also. I don't know what life has in store for you or what the future holds, all I know is that with faith, hope and love anything is possible. Enjoy every moment you have, life is too short to spend it questioning the past or worrying about the future. Don't let anyone steal your happiness or the life you fought so long for. Others will try and destroy it because they know where its weakest points are, it's up to you and Aaron to protect it. Promise that when your mind starts to stray and you feel defeated you'll remember all the hell you have been through and how far you have come. When others tell you that you are an inspiration BELIEVE IT! Look at how much you have learned, others you have helped and don't ever let anyone take away your happiness. YOU EARNED IT!!!
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