There are some things you can never forget, no matter how much you wish you could. It seems like the more something hurts the harder it is to completely erase from your memory. Certain details may fade away but the pain you endured will always be there in some way or another. I think we just learn to step around it so that we can keep it from consuming our daily lives.
I am one that forgives easily, I see it as a curse where as others may see it as a good quality I hold. I may forgive easily but I do still keep a close eye on those that I have had to forgive.
My husband did me wrong, he hurt me as no husband should ever hurt his wife. Do I think he made a mistake by cheating? No! He knew what he was doing and knew he was going to hurt me the second he gave another woman attention and wanted it in return. Cheating is not a mistake, it is a conscious decision one makes not caring for an instant about those they will hurt.
I didn't want to forgive him for the longest time, in my head I felt that if I forgave him I was giving him the upper hand. Doing so would mean that he no longer had to suffer from his actions. More importantly, it meant that he could move past how much he had hurt me. I wanted him to dwell in what he had done; I wished nothing more than for him to be miserable and filled with regret.
Little did I know that by refusing to forgive him I was only hurting myself. I was the one that couldn't escape the misery; I was the one that couldn't move past everything he had put me through. He had already moved on, he wasn't sitting there letting his actions affect everything in his life. Not because he had no remorse, but because he knew that what had been done was done and couldn't be erased.
I on the other hand wanted it to be reversed, erased and buried but I wasn't allowing myself to start healing by holding on to it all. I felt as though forgiving him would mean I was condoning and accepting his actions, I was saying, "it's OK that you broke my heart, it's OK that you ripped every ounce of happiness I had to shreds, it's OK I can no longer feel safe and secure in your arms, it's OK that you don't love me enough to respect me."
Why should I be the one that is miserable when I did nothing to hurt our marriage?
I read article after article online on ways to move past infidelity and they all said the same thing...FORGIVE!! It made no sense to me, I have forgiven people for many things in the past...but forgiving my husband for having an affair and ruining all of our lives? I didn't want to, I wasn't ready to but I knew I needed to.
In order to find peace within myself I had to forgive this man, the man I married and loved even through tears in my eyes and pain in my heart. In some ways it hurt more to forgive him than to learn the truth of what he had done.
Although I forgave him I can never forget what he has done to me, believe me, if I could I would. All I can do is continue to hope and pray that the details of it all will fade away, eventually leaving me with no memory of it at all. If that is impossible, and I know it is, I just wish for continued growth and peace in my heart.
I am one that forgives easily, I see it as a curse where as others may see it as a good quality I hold. I may forgive easily but I do still keep a close eye on those that I have had to forgive.
My husband did me wrong, he hurt me as no husband should ever hurt his wife. Do I think he made a mistake by cheating? No! He knew what he was doing and knew he was going to hurt me the second he gave another woman attention and wanted it in return. Cheating is not a mistake, it is a conscious decision one makes not caring for an instant about those they will hurt.
I didn't want to forgive him for the longest time, in my head I felt that if I forgave him I was giving him the upper hand. Doing so would mean that he no longer had to suffer from his actions. More importantly, it meant that he could move past how much he had hurt me. I wanted him to dwell in what he had done; I wished nothing more than for him to be miserable and filled with regret.
Little did I know that by refusing to forgive him I was only hurting myself. I was the one that couldn't escape the misery; I was the one that couldn't move past everything he had put me through. He had already moved on, he wasn't sitting there letting his actions affect everything in his life. Not because he had no remorse, but because he knew that what had been done was done and couldn't be erased.
I on the other hand wanted it to be reversed, erased and buried but I wasn't allowing myself to start healing by holding on to it all. I felt as though forgiving him would mean I was condoning and accepting his actions, I was saying, "it's OK that you broke my heart, it's OK that you ripped every ounce of happiness I had to shreds, it's OK I can no longer feel safe and secure in your arms, it's OK that you don't love me enough to respect me."
Why should I be the one that is miserable when I did nothing to hurt our marriage?
I read article after article online on ways to move past infidelity and they all said the same thing...FORGIVE!! It made no sense to me, I have forgiven people for many things in the past...but forgiving my husband for having an affair and ruining all of our lives? I didn't want to, I wasn't ready to but I knew I needed to.
In order to find peace within myself I had to forgive this man, the man I married and loved even through tears in my eyes and pain in my heart. In some ways it hurt more to forgive him than to learn the truth of what he had done.Although I forgave him I can never forget what he has done to me, believe me, if I could I would. All I can do is continue to hope and pray that the details of it all will fade away, eventually leaving me with no memory of it at all. If that is impossible, and I know it is, I just wish for continued growth and peace in my heart.
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