Where do I even begin?
Sixteen years ago our paths crossed and life changed for the both
of us. Our friendship grew quickly and we fell in love and we fell hard! The day we became husband and wife was one of the
best days of my life and is a day I will cherish always. It was a day filled
with so much happiness and an excitement as to what the future held for us. As
the years went by our family grew and like any other marriage so did our
problems, some small and a few larger but never too large for us to handle. We
always made our marriage top priority and although we did go through some hard
times we never let our love and respect for one another fade. We worked
together through anything that came our way and we grew stronger as a couple.
Life as I knew it was perfect. I had no doubt that we would
continue to raise our children in a happy, healthy home.
Along
the way work schedules changed and added that more stress than we were prepared
for. In the beginning I just kept telling myself that you were dealing with a
lot being away from your family every night and that eventually you would go
back to being the same man that couldn't wait to get home to us. I noticed the
changes in you very quickly and they scared me. You went from being a loving
husband to someone I no longer recognized, someone who was angry, bitter and
defensive all the time. You seemed to be in a dark place and I didn’t know why
but I never thought it would be because of another woman. I felt as though the
rug was pulled from under me and there was nothing I could do to reverse it
all.
You
broke my heart, Aaron! You took everything we built together and all the love
we shared, a love I thought was unbreakable and you threw it away as if it was
nothing. Our vows were sacred at one time and suddenly they meant absolutely
nothing and our life was a complete lie. I felt as though I was no longer worthy
of being loved and I hated myself for not being the woman you wanted. The toll it
took on me was devastating. Mentally, physically and emotionally I was broken
and left to pick up the pieces for myself and our children. Our
family suffered so much while you were living the life you felt you wanted. A
life of freedom, zero responsibilities and someone other than myself. Your
family at that time was not even on your priority list. I wanted so badly for
you to come to your senses and return home to me, to us.
While
you were gone I did what I know how to do best…I loved you. I loved you with
all I had in me, even when I didn't want to I did. I want you to know that I
have never stopped loving you and I never gave up on you, or on us. I held on
to the man I married, the man that put his family first and did whatever it
took to protect us from pain and suffering. I missed that man so much and I
wanted nothing more than for him to return. I know they say that everything
happens for a reason and I have waited patiently to know the reason for all of
this happened. I realize that I may never find out but it’s something I have
always wondered.
I
feel sad and my heart breaks for the young couple we were when we exchanged our
vows, the love we shared then was pure and unshakable. Or so I thought, I see
now that it was never as strong as I believed it to be. I am scared that you will break my heart again;
I know I took the risk by letting you back and I have no regrets about it. I
fear that you will give into temptation and throw all the hard work we have
done this far for someone else. I also feel blessed that we found our way back
to one another. I know we still have a long way to go but as long as we both
stay focused on each other and what truly matters we can and will survive. One
day I want us to look back and say “we made it and we are stronger than we ever
imagined!”
I
promise that I will continue to love you with my whole heart, and when you feel
alone know that I will be by your side every step of the way. If you ever feel
that your life is missing something I want you to look around and see what you
already have.
Love
always,
Jenn
No comments:
Post a Comment