A Date with Anxiety

I so desperately want to break up with my dear friend "anxiety." There are times we see each other EVERY SINGLE DAY! There are also times we can go weeks or even months without bumping into each other. (I like those times...A LOT!!) 

If you have ever suffered from anxiety you know how awful it can be. It consumes every ounce of anything good you have in yourself. The feeling that your heart is going to jump out of your chest, the sweat that pours out of your body, and oh my...the inability to relax, breath and just function all together. Yup...I have experienced all of the above with regular visits from the "Big A". Anxiety attacks would then turn into full blown panic attacks. Thankfully, over the years I have learned how to keep myself from letting it get the best of me. From a young age I have always dealt with some form of anxiety, as an adult I grew to recognize it and if I'm lucky I can control it. 

I was and am my own worst enemy, actually my mind is. I can be perfectly fine and then something minor pops into my head and WHAM!!! Out of nowhere I feel it slowly creeping up and before I know it there is nothing I can do besides sit and let it pass.

So what makes me anxious? Hmm...it's probably easiest to ask what doesn't. These days it takes something major to cause me to go into a frenzy. After I found out about my husband's affair it was almost daily I was suffering from my anxiety. The constant wondering of where he was, what he was doing and who he was with. To be honest, just him looking at me the wrong way would set it off. 

It wasn't fair to myself or to him. He wasn't making me think the things I was, or causing my mind to wonder. He didn't have to be doing anything wrong for me to make up my own scenarios and cause the panic and anxiety to surface. My thoughts, my fear and my insecurities were literally driving me to have panic attack after panic attack. Without a doubt a lot of it did stem from what he put me through. However, my thought process is what got me and kept me there and I would be lying if I said my mind doesn't go there any longer. I don't know that it will ever not go there. 

For those of you wondering, yes I have taken medication for it and yes it did help. I stopped after I learned how to control it on my own. It took years of hard work and determination to do so and there have been times that I have felt I couldn't handle things on my and needed help. Recognizing it is a huge step and getting help for it is even bigger. 

There are times our problems are bigger than we want to believe and accepting the fact that we may need help, whether it be medication, therapy or just a shoulder to cry on are necessary. I've learned that too much pride will get you nowhere but support will get you through anything.