Should I Stay or Should I Go

I know that I am probably in a small group of people that decide to reconcile after an affair. My husband and I always had an agreement, even before marriage, that if one of us cheated we would divorce. So you could imagine how those words haunted me after I discovered I wasn't married to the perfect man I thought he was. It wasn't as simple as I thought it would be, we now had children involved and a history that we built as one. Unless you've lived it you have no idea how you will handle any situation. Whether it's an illness, loss or marriage dilemmas you can't say "I would do this..." It doesn't work that way, at least not for the weak and I consider myself at that time a person who was weak. I wasn't strong enough to say "you cheated; now you have to leave and never return." 

Am I happy I made the decision to reconcile?? Hmm...yes and no. Through all of the depression, anxiety, fears and wondering I would have said "no." That was a time in my life that was dark and it turned me into someone I no longer recognized. I didn't know the person I saw in the mirror. What I saw was a sad and pathetic woman that was too afraid to lose everything. This unrecognizable woman didn't have one ounce of trust in her husband and couldn't even tell you why she stayed with him. The only answer I could give was that I loved him and even then I wasn't completely sure. I was hopeful things would turn around for us and although I lost my faith I still believed that if we were meant to be together God would bring us back to the place I felt safe. 

Today I would say my answer to the decision to reconcile is "yes." After reality set in and I realized that I chose to take a risk and stay with my husband I was able to begin working towards accepting what had happened. I was determined to work as hard as possible to make our marriage work and be happy again. I often feel as though we were put to a test to see how much we mean to one another. Who knew it would take years of hard work just to find happiness again. We both learned what does and doesn't work in our relationship and ways to help each other along the way. I have no regrets and although there were times I wanted to throw in the towel I didn't. 

I feel that those who choose to reconcile must know that it isn't an easy process. There will be days you feel like giving up or that things just aren't getting better. I want you to step back and truly see how far you've come. You may be surprised at how much stronger, happier and positive you are than you were just yesterday. We get so hung up on why we are hurting that we can't see the accomplishments we've made to get to where we are now. 

I can't tell people what they should do in any situation, but I can say that if you want something bad enough you will do whatever it takes to keep it. If you do choose to work it out I have to advise that you know the full truth of the situation. Work on forgiving your spouse or otherwise the unknown will keep you from moving forward. I fought like hell to keep my marriage intact and I will continue to do so...this time I have my husband to fight with me. A marriage is something that is precious, it's a union that no one should separate and unfortunately there are people (including spouses) that succeed at tearing it apart. It's our job to protect it and fight for it. If the relationship and love are strong enough reconciliation can be successful and make you an incredibly strong couple. Best of luck to those who choose the path that keeps you together!!