There is nothing you can do to make your marriage perfect. You can make it bearable, but not perfect. You may even find happiness the majority of the time if you're lucky.
The truth is...your spouse is going to make you mad. They're going to make you yell, cry, and question why the heck you even married them in the first place. There will be occasions you will talk until you're blue in the face and it will do absolutely no good!! They call that "nagging". You'll learn to compromise on certain things and you'll also find that there are times you won't see eye to eye. And oh my gosh will they annoy you! Guess what.....THAT'S OK!!
Those "ugly" moments in your marriage are what give it life. Sure, it would be nice if everything we said and suggested was agreed upon. I personally would love if my husband never raised his voice at me or didn't come back at me with the same harsh tone I used on him. It would be great if every time I asked him for something he responded by jumping up immediately and did what I wanted. Unfortunately, it takes several requests and a few of my wifely death stares as I walk away mumbling to myself to get him to even notice I'm not happy. He then huffs and puffs and says something I can never quite make out, but I'm sure it's not "yes, Dear...anything you say, Dear." There are times I want to smack him and say "listen buddy...I'm right, you're wrong." When I do muster up the guts to let him have it I find myself in a lose, lose situation. He gets mad, I get mad and we end up wasting time. The really sad part is that I usually forget why I was even mad in the first place.
That's what a marriage is...it's give and take. It isn't meant to be easy and it sure as hell isn't for the timid. You learn that there are times you must pick your battles, because if you don't you will always end up as the unhappy one. While you're sitting there fuming on the inside your spouse probably has no clue what they did or why you're even mad.They're only thinking "great, what's wrong now? Hopefully it doesn't last long!" If they're like my husband, they'll refrain from asking, because let's be honest...who WANTS to open up a can of worms?!? ME!!! That's who. I ask. I would rather deal with the havoc from figuring out what's wrong as opposed to ignoring the issue at hand. Sure, it may lead to something ugly but I figure I either go big or go home. It's called communication. And I'm learning that it's a necessary survival skill in my marriage.
Maybe there is such a thing as a perfect marriage...I've yet to discover it. It's probably my husband's fault. ;) We choose to live a life of loud words, deep stares (and not the ones that melt your heart...I mean the ones that can melt your soul), and it works for us. Honestly, I wouldn't have it any other way. We balance each other out and while there are times I wish he and I could be like those celebrity couples that live the perfect life I am grateful that we aren't. Our relationship is real, we laugh, yell, ignore, and love with every ounce within our heart. Through our madness we have learned to communicate in a healthy way and it's made us focus more on how we should come together to fix an issue instead of brushing it under the rug so we don't upset each one another.
It's a learning process, for us it's been a 15 year lesson....some would say that we are slow learners, but I choose to believe that we are perfecting our skills. I try to remember 3 simple words when I'm at my wits end with my darling husband...STOP, LISTEN, RESPOND. I had those reversed for a loooong time and the aftermath was never what I expected or wanted. I'm still learning to catch myself when I get the order wrong, but it isn't as often anymore. I'm glad I still mess up every now and then, it keeps the marriage alive and less storybook.
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