The 3 D's of a Betrayed Spouse

As a betrayed spouse it's hard not to stop doing the 3 D's...Digging, Dwelling and Doubting. 

Digging is a dangerous game to play. You dig, and dig for clues and holes in your wayward spouse's actions. Even if you find nothing out of the ordinary you still seem to twist things. It's a horrible mind game and it's one I'll admit I struggle with. I can go days, weeks, and months without trying to find hidden secrets and then all of a sudden I find myself going waaay back trying to find anything that would prove my husband is guilty. When I find nothing I end up being the one to feel guilty and yet happy at the same time. Guilty, because I didn't trust him and happy that I didn't find anything. 

Dwelling over what has happened keeps a betrayed spouse from truly moving forward. If we dwell on the bad, we miss out on all the good that is happening. It's as if our life is paused on a sad part of a movie, we keep from making it to the end where the happy ending lies. This is something I have learned not to do, or at least not as much. I don't mean to, but I notice that when I do spend time dwelling on the past it affects the relationship between my husband and myself. It causes me to be sad or mad with him and he senses that and in return he gets upset with me because I'm usually afraid to tell him why I'm in a foul mood. Living in the past is a sure guarantee that you are keeping yourself from embracing what the future has in store for you. 

Doubting...Oh boy, this is a struggle for me that seems to never end. I am an optimistic person, I look for the good in any situation; yet I have so much doubt about my marriage, my husband and myself. There are days I say "He'll never be faithful again" or "It's only a matter of time before he tells me he's leaving." I'm learning that the more I focus on the doubt the more I push my husband away and the more I lose sight of who I am.

Surviving infidelity is a struggle, surviving it while remaining married is even harder. There are long periods of times that it doesn't affect our relationship and then there are times that it stalls or erases the hard work we have put into our marriage. I wish there was an easier way but I've yet to find one. So in the mean time I will continue to grow, heal and hope for a future of pure happiness!!